Taboo Read online

  Laughter from a group of kids walking to their car split us apart and my heart beats so furiously I’m sure he can hear it. The interruption is enough to clear my head. Sort of.

  “Wow,” I say, once the group passes and we’re alone, again. “So, that was weird. I don’t normally just kiss guys like that. Especially, you know, younger ones like you and um… you probably think I’m gross and old and a creeper.” I stop rambling because he’s looking at me in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever seen. Halfway like he may puke and halfway like he may have already shot his load in his pants.

  I take a step back.

  He takes one forward.

  My stomach drops to my feet.

  “That was the hottest thing ever,” he says, blinking like I may be a figment of his imagination. I can tell he means what he said, and right then instead of thinking, “I’m going to ruin this kid, because this is wrong,” I think, “I’m going to ruin this kid, because if he thinks that was hot, wait until I show him the rest.”

  I push that thought away because it’s terrible. Horrible. He has a mother. Granted, I also have a mother, but he still lives with his.

  “Let’s just…” I start but he keeps looking at me. Like that. Like he wants more and I’m so freaking weak. No. No. This is wrong. I muster up the courage to put a stop to this. “Look. I kind of did that on a dare okay? My friend, you know from the pool? The other babysitter? She dared me to kiss you. That’s all.”

  I hope he can’t hear my heart hammering or smell the desperation wafting off my skin. I’m lying, and when I lie my neck gets blotchy, but it’s dark out here. He probably just thinks I’m a loser. I am a loser for kissing a teenager, for Christ’s sake.

  “A dare?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “What do you win?”

  “Bragging rights,” I blurt. “That’s all.”

  “You girls are crazy.”

  I lean against the car to steady myself. “You have no idea.”

  Chapter 7

  “He tasted like Mountain Dew and Starbursts.”

  Finley and I retreat from our usual positions on the lounge chairs to a shaded table under an umbrella. We can still watch the girls playing in the shallow end and the lifeguards, but back here we have more privacy.

  “That sounds…heavenly.” Even behind the tinted plastic lenses of her glasses I can make out how wide her eyes are. “What else happened?”

  “Nothing. I went home. He probably went to get ice cream with all the other kids.” I drop my head into my palms. “God, it sounds even worse now. Ice cream. Dude, he was eating ice cream with the eight-year-olds while I was having fantasies of his Mountain Dew breath on my vagina.”

  “Who cares? It was worth it. Plus, I bet he spanked to that kiss all night.” We both glance at him, sitting like a golden god in his chair. I see the tip of an eyebrow arch over his glasses in my direction. He knows we’re talking about him; he just has no idea it’s about him masturbating. Over me.

  “So what happens now?”

  I shake my head. “Nothing. I told him it was just a dare. I need to keep it that way.”

  “Whatever. You’re totally going to fuck him before the summer is over. Why not just do it now?”

  “Finley!” She laughs so hard she bends over and holds her stomach. I punch her arm “I can’t believe you said that!” I glance around to make sure no one heard her. Thankfully, no one else is paying us attention. Well one person is, but he’s far enough away he can’t hear anything.

  She squirts me with her water bottle and says, “Okay, but for real, how did kissing him feel?”

  “The kiss felt nice,” I tell her, but then consider it further. “But it made me feel confident. Powerful. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Especially since breaking up with Jamie.”

  “It’s taboo,” she says.

  “Yes, very much so and even though it was wrong I enjoyed it way more than I should have.”

  The guards call adult swim and the kids scatter. Our girls grab a snack and head to the playground. “I’ll be back in a minute,” I tell Finley. The three waters I consumed this morning are about to burst my bladder. I pass Carter and the other guards as I duck into the bathhouse.

  I’m behind the closed bathroom door when I hear two other women come in. The stall doors slam and latch beside me and one says to the other. “Did you see him today?”

  “How could I not see him?” the other woman replied. They’re definitely women. Not teenagers. “He’s gorgeous. It was all I could do not to squeeze his ass when he bent over to pick up my pool bag.”

  Both women laugh and I freeze in the stall.

  “I’ve signed Martin up for another session of swim lessons. It gives me an excuse to talk to him.”

  “Debbie, you’re married!” Ah, the Bikini Mom. Should’ve known.

  “So,” she laughs. “I can look. What Roger doesn’t know won’t hurt him, plus you know things have been tense between us lately. A little something on the side may be exactly what I need.”

  I clamp a hand over my mouth. Holy shit. This woman wants to cheat on her husband with Aqua-Man. Holy. Shit.

  “I don’t know Debbie. He’s been checking out that babysitter. I think he’s into her.”

  Wait what? I hold my breath and press my ear to the wall.

  “Maybe, but that just gives me more ammo. Why go for a tiger cub when you can have a cougar?”

  The two women giggle like hyenas and I hear the water running at the sink. A minute later they walk out the door and I’m left alone in the bathroom fighting an odd sense of jealousy and rage. Did that woman in her too tight, overly made-up, too obvious way really think she could get Carter to pay attention to her? Because gross. He’s better than that. But I also know he’s a guy and would he really turn her down?

  I wait a couple more minutes before leaving the bathroom. Back on the pool deck I pretend not to care when I hear her fake, high-pitched laugh near the guard office. She is not going to win Aqua-Man.

  Chapter 8

  Unfortunately, I don’t get my chance to make a move. Neither does she. He disappears for the next three days.

  “Vacation?” Finley suggests.

  “Maybe.”

  “I never realized how boring it is without him here.”

  “Right?”

  Luck is with us the next day because he’s back, even though something’s off. He sticks to the shade and walks gingerly around the pool. Much to our dismay he keeps his shirt on. Oh, and he looks like he’s going to puke.

  “Is he sick?” I wonder.

  Finley narrows her eyes and studies him. He’s hovering near the shade, keeping away from the sun. “Oh my god!” she exclaims. “He’s hung over.”

  “Really? Do you think?”

  It’s not a shock that he drinks. Most teenagers do. I did. And he’s going off to college this fall.

  Finley shakes her head. “Poor kid. He looks like he got run over by a keg of shitty-watered down beer with tequila chasers.”

  “Been there, done that.”

  During adult swim, he wanders over to the side of the pool alone and sits on the diving board ladder with his head in his hands. I make a rash decision and tell Finley, “I’ll be back in five minutes. Watch the girls, okay?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Five minutes.”

  It takes me eight, but the McDonald’s is just around the corner. When I come back he’s leaning against the wrought iron fence surrounding the pool. Even with a green complexion, he’s still hot.

  “Eat and drink this,” I instruct, handing him the bag containing two large fries and a massive Coke.

  “What?”

  “Hangover cure. And when you’re finished get in the pool. It’s too hot out here. It’s making it worse. The cold water will make you feel better.”

  He takes the bag and looks warily at the contents.

  “Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.”

  He relents, shoving a fist-full of fries in his mouth and drinks half the soda in one gulp. Carter leans his head back against the building. “Oh my god. I feel better already.”

  “Told you,” I smile. He’s tipping the first fry container upside down and I watch his Adam’s apple bob while he inhales them. “What did you do to get in this shape?”

  He groans. “I went up to Duke for this pre-Rush thing. I’m not used to partying like that.”

  “So you’re pledging?” Not a surprise.

  “Yeah, I guess,” he says over a mouthful of fries. “It was fun but I don’t know if I could do that every night.”

  “It’s not every night once you get into school. The parties are fun—lots of girls…” I trail off when he licks the salt off his fingers one by one. “Better?”

  He crushes the bag into a ball and tosses it into the trashcan. “Yeah, thanks.”

  “Seriously, get in the water.”

  He pulls his shirt (the blue one) off and jumps into the deep end, submerging deep beneath the water. From the other side of the pool Finley’s jaw hangs, watching our interaction.

  When I settle back into my seat she says, “What did you do?”

  “I taught him how to deal with a hangover.”

  “Greasy food and sugar?”

  “Yep.”

  He climbs up the ladder, all arms and shoulders and muscles, the color restored in his face.

  “You also got him to take his shirt off.”

  “Yep.”

  “All in all, a winning day.”

  I lean back and stretch my legs out. He’s got his eyes on me again. This time I return the stare.

  Chapter 9

  I’m lying on my bed eating ice cream out of the container when Finley texts.

  Be ready in
ten minutes

  Why? I’m in my pajamas

  That’s okay. I’m coming to get you.

  Why?

  Ten minutes

  I wait on the steps afraid she’ll honk and wake up the family. One of the curses of living with your employer is they know what’s going on during your off time and not that leaving your house in cotton shorts and a tank top is a huge deal but it may raise questions.

  “Where are we going?” I ask the minute the door closes. Finley hands me an envelope. On the outside it says “Carter.” I open the flap and inside I find two tickets to Mumford and Sons. “You’re kidding right?”

  “Nope. Maggie’s parents gave me the tickets for my birthday but Ryan and I can’t go. I’m giving them to Carter.”

  “What? Why him?”

  We’re at a stop light. I’m not sure how Finley knows where we’re going, but she seems to have an idea. The light casts her face in a pink glow. She looks over and says, “Because of Aqua-Man I’ve had the best sex of my life, okay? Like bed breaking, multiple orgasm, three-times-a-night sex. We decided to thank him.”

  “We? You told Ryan?”

  “I didn’t get specific but he knows how much entertainment I get from him. And he also knows I rocked his fucking world last night. And the night before. And tomorrow. So, yeah, he’s good.”

  I look at the note wrapped around the tickets and read it out loud. “Thanks for the awesome.” I burst out laughing, giddy at my friend’s balls. “Holy shit. You’re a goddess.”

  She nods and turns off the main road and into a neighborhood of moderately sized houses. “Keep a look out for 1518.”

  “So what’s the plan? You just ring the doorbell and hand these to him?”

  “No, I’m not ringing his fucking doorbell. Jesus,” she says, like I’m the one with the ridiculous idea. “We’re leaving them on his car, under the windshield wiper.”

  “You’re crazy,” I say.

  “Like a fox.” She drives down the street slowly, looking at each house number. We finally find it at the end of a cul-de-sac. His car is parked out front under a basketball goal. “Okay, you have to get out and put it on the car.”

  “Me?”

  “Well, I’m driving the getaway car!”

  I take a deep breath and sigh. I’m twenty-eight years old. Twenty-eight. In another life I should be getting married and acting like an adult. Instead I’m stalking an eighteen-year-old and leaving notes on his car. What has become of my life? “Okay, but do not leave me. No matter what, okay?”

  “I won’t, promise.”

  I get out and run to his car, thankfully parked in the street. I lift up the windshield wiper and, “Crap!” I shout. The envelope blows out of my hands and lands under the car. I’m going to lose my job. And my reputation and all sense of face I’ve ever, ever had.

  “Hurry,” Finley whisper shouts from the car and I’m on my knees reaching for the stupid envelope. I grab it and tuck it in the windshield, running back to the car like my pants are on fire.

  “Go! Go! Go!”

  Finley guns the car, peeling out of the cul-de-sac the squeal of her wheels drowning out our laughter.

  Chapter 10

  Betsy asked me to babysit while she and her husband have a ‘date night’.

  I agree because, sadly, I haven’t had a date in months and have little else to do during my time off. I try not to let it bother me. Being single is part of learning who I am after so many years of being part of a couple, but really, I’m starting to get horny. Okay, I’m past starting. I am horny.

  “I think that’s enough,” I say to Claire. We’re at the yogurt place and she’s piled three flavors into her cup. “You won’t have any room for toppings.”

  I pay at the counter and follow the girls outside. This place is nice and has a big patio, and the girls like to sit on the benches against the window. I take a seat at a small table and frown at my cup. It’s hot out here and my yogurt has already melted. Tiny gummy bears drown in the muddy chocolate.

  The chair next to mine scraps against the cement and I look up.

  Aqua-Man.

  “Hey,” he says, plopping into the seat. I grunt back because I’ve got a mouth full of gummies and yogurt.

  “I saw you sitting over here.”

  I swallow. “How you feeling?”

  “Better. Man, I’m not doing that again.”

  “Yes, you will, but at least now you know how to make it go away.”

  “Where did you lean such magical knowledge?” he asks.

  I hold up my pink spoon like a wand. “I’m a wise woman. It comes with age.”

  He licks his lips and stares at me with that look he gave me before, the one he gave me after we kissed and boy, do I want to do it again. I want to taste the sweet sugar lingering on his mouth and run my hand through his hair and to see him naked.

  He looks over at the girls. “So you guys are just hanging out?”

  “Yep, big night. Yogurt and Disney movies.”

  “Sounds fun.” He smiles wide and for a split second I almost ask him to come with us, but that must just be the intoxication I feel from his nearness.

  “What about you?”

  “Carter!” A girl shouts his name and we both look up. I see now that he’s here with a group of other kids and I feel incredibly stupid. And old.

  “Just chillin’ with my friends. We’re going to a party later. See you tomorrow?” He’s halfway out of his chair. “Oh,” he says. “I like your hair like that. Down. I’ve never seen it that way before.”

  I nod, afraid to open my mouth. He walks past Claire and Harper, tugging on both of their ponytails. They giggle at his attention, knowing it makes them special. When he joins his friends, I focus back on my yogurt, pretending that my stomach isn’t in knots over some kid.

  *

  “God, he’s bouncing off the damn wall,” Finley says, lowering her glasses like she needs to see this in real-time or something.

  Aqua-Man, it seems, has some pent up energy.

  “He’s been moving non-stop for ten minutes.” As if on cue, he bounces off the board in some kind of wild, uncontrolled dive. He disappears under the water and emerges on the shallow end of the pool where he immediately starts rough housing with some kids.

  “Jesus,” I say. His energy is making me crazy. It’s like lightning bolts shooting off his skin, electrifying everything in contact.

  “He needs to get laid,” Finley says.

  “Or he just was,” I counter.

  Maybe he fucked one of those girls the night before. Screwed her in the car or in his parent’s basement. Wherever these kids sneak around. Whatever happened, he’s like a flame and I’m a suicidal moth.

  I shoot out of my chair and jump in the water, attempting to cool myself off. It doesn’t work, so I swim to the other side and climb out at the ladder next to the guard chair. He’s next to the stand, bouncing a volley ball against the deck. I pass him, lightly, ‘accidentally’ brushing against his shoulder.

  I continue walking toward the shelter, back around the corner where the kids sneak cigarettes and make out, looking to take a breather. I’m barely out of sight when he rounds the corner, closing in. He places one arm over my head, palm pressed flat against the building. I don’t dare look at his face. But like a woman possessed, I lift a hand and touch his chest and it’s as hard as it looks. Something grazes my leg and god, his chest isn’t the only thing that’s hard.

  This time he makes the first move, covering my mouth with his. He pushes his tongue inside and my knees go weak. Then I remember. I’m the one in control here. I’m older and wiser and more experienced. I stand up straight and smash my bikini-clad boobs into his chest and bite down on his lip. Then, to top it off, I slip the tips of my fingers under the edge of his trunks, feeling the soft hair between his navel and cock.

  His hips jerk and he breaks away from me, a glazed over look on his face. I run my nails over this chest, catching one of his dark brown nipples in the process.

  “Uh,” he sputters and disappears around the corner. I enter the pool deck just in time to see a huge splash from the deep end. The thought enters my mind again and this time I know it’s true. It’s already started. I’m going to ruin this kid.

  Chapter 11